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Monday, October 4, 2021

The Only Scars in Heaven

I am so lost without you daddy.....I feel like a part of me just died with you....I am trying so hard to be strong and keep things together, but it ain't easy.  I use to think that I was in a rut once I moved back home and spending most of my time with you, but now I look back and realize that God was giving us back all the time that we lost in the 8 years we were separated....and I hated my mother for that.  I hate the fact that you did everything to live once you received your diagnosis of pancreatic cancer...you went through so much to live....and my mother is still alive even though her health is bad and she makes no changes. I will never understand why God does what he does....why he took you....why he lets her continue to live despite the fact she does everything to die. I guess some things are not for us to understand...after all we are not God. I do miss you even more now that when you passed away.  It is the little things...our fights over politics, discussions about God, stories from your childhood, and witnessing God change you...and me:)

What gives me comfort is knowing that you are up in heaven chilling with Jesus and I can feel you with me, especially while I am attempting to do home improvement projects and I get stuck.  The moment I figure something out...I know it was you! You will never be forgotten...it is funny how Linda and me can laugh when I park crooked, knowing that you would have definitely over reacted! I am grateful for all the time we had together, as an only child, I was your world and you were mine.  

I am so proud to be your daughter.  It amazes me just how good of a dad you became because you did not have a father figure present in your life. You are my hero because you overcame so much in life including physical pain for most of your adult life. 

When I first heard the song, Scars in Heaven by Casting Crowns, I felt comfort knowing that you are in a place now where the only scars in Heaven, are on the hands that hold you now...your spirit is free from your body and one day, I will see you again one day. 


 


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The Only Scars in Heaven

I am so lost without you daddy.....I feel like a part of me just died with you....I am trying so hard to be strong and keep things together,...